A Heavy Heart

Over the last few years, I've been open with you about topics that aren't always easy to talk about. Mental health, anxiety, depression, going off of medications like Prozac and birth control pills, leaving my job, not knowing what the hell I want out of my life, fears, strained relationships with family. All uncomfortable things to write about, but important to share them with you anyway. It doesn't matter if I have one reader or one-hundred...I've chosen to discuss topics that go beyond beauty and fashion. Ultimately I consider you my friends, and these are the things I would say to you in private conversation if we were sitting down to have a cup of coffee or lunch. And just as awkward and scary as it is for me to have these conversations in person, they are equally as such online. But that doesn't mean I should shy away from them, it's quite the opposite. Uncomfortable conversation is how we listen, learn, and grow.

The listening part is why I studied Psychology, and why I (almost) wanted to become a therapist. I have felt diminished and small for much of my life, and I think it's the reason why I'm so angry right now. People just talk over one another instead of really listening. It's the times in my life where I have felt unseen or silenced by someone else that I have sunk into depression. Everyone deserves to be seen and heard.

Photo c/o @intheloopTemecula and @iam.mamamermaid from Sunday night vigil at city hall

I have been devastated and disgusted by the murder of George Floyd by a police officer in Minneapolis. The fact that it happens so often is unimaginable. People who are supposed to serve and protect and help. I don't know what it's like. My mother has experienced racism first-hand, and I grew up in an all-white suburban neighborhood hearing kids say things like she should "go back to Mexico." I've been called names I won't repeat, I've had to defend my mom in ways that I know some of the friends I grew up with didn't understand. I still hear slurs in regards to Mexicans and immigrants, but it doesn't compare in the slightest to what black people experience on a daily basis. A daily basis! I want to be part of the solution, and I want others to do the same. I'm not going to pretend I have answers because I don't. All I know is that I'm scared for the future in a way that I wasn't just a few years ago. Maybe I'm paying attention now. Maybe it's my age, and the fact that I'm not as naive as I used to be about all this. My one piece of advice is to call out racism when you see or hear it - do not be silent. Get involved, speak to friends and family, donate to organizations, support brands that honor inclusivity and promote diversity, support black businesses, read as much as you can and educate yourself so that you're armed with truth and facts. This isn't political, this is about human decency, compassion, and love. Senseless murders and acts of violence must be scrutinized and must end.

Resources: George Floyd Fundraiser