Wearing //
Vince Camuto pumps, similar
Body image is a topic I've touched upon in previous posts. It's a natural point of contention when you've been putting yourself out there on a style and beauty blog for over seven years. After reading Alissa's Instagram post on Monday, I clicked over to her blog and it really struck a chord with me so I wanted to bring it up here. I can't take away from her extremely beautiful and thought provoking words, I won't even try. I suggest going to hers immediately (after reading mine of course) but it resonates with me so greatly because since starting my blog, a lot has changed - my weight, the size of my waist, hell the size of everything. I've tried to conceal it by solely posting flattering photos of myself, a trick that I think we all use, style blogger or not. My non-blogging friends do it too. "Don't you dare post that on social media, I look hideous!" or "if you post it just filter it so I look good". Let's face it. We live in a frenzy of staged Instagram photos. complete with filters that quickly hide "flaws" with the tap of your finger. We're so used to this false sense of reality that even I forget what people really look like, at least the ones I haven't seen in years. We've not only become comfortable with this phony sense of self, but I think almost blind to how it really impacts our self-esteem in a negative way.
I don't want to get preachy here. It's my choice to put myself out there on the internet. Here is the comment I left on Alissa's blog because it sums up my feelings perfectly: Couldn't love this piece or agree any more! I think we all spend far too much time beating ourselves up. Not even on each other, but on ourselves! I've gained almost 20 pounds in two years since getting married. That's a huge what the fuck for me. Excuse the language but that's the only term I feel suits my frustration. I'm slowly getting back down, and I'm starting to make better eating and work-out choices. I'll never be the skinny girl. I'm petite, but I've got curves too, and I don't mind that one bit. We should all take your advice and just stand in the bodies we have now. Not yesterday, not a year from now but now.
It's not just my weight that bothers me. Everything seems to these days, From my hair to my brows, and definitely to the simple fact that I've had to donate a ton of clothes, and not because of moving. No, the real reason was that they were tight, ill-fitting, and trying to wiggle myself into old size 4 jeans and blazers made me feel like a stuffed sausage. It takes guts to stand in the mirror and decide that you've had enough, and that a change is needed. I'm doing that by getting healthier for myself. But I also really love the idea of just being comfortable with where you are in life. I look at other bloggers and constantly wonder why they aren't just professional models. I thought blogging was a way to give a middle finger to the fashion heads and let them know that we can do our own thing and wear clothes beautifully without the need for photoshop or starving ourselves. I guess it worked, but I feel like it's all swung in the opposite direction. Who's fault that is, I don't know nor do I really care. But while I'm on the internet, I have to keep reminding myself what drew me to do this in the first place. I can and will be kinder to myself. I can and will shed some weight, but don't expect me to get crazy into it because when it comes down to it, I love enjoying life and that includes food. These are just my feelings, and my only hope for being honest about my body image struggle is to let you know why I don't post as often as I used to. It's not just about time constraints because we are all busy! It mainly has to do with just not feeling up to editing 30 photos, and throwing all but maybe two or three "good ones" in the recycling bin.
I promise I'm not looking for compliments or validation, just genuine feedback on the subject if you have any! I'd love to hear your experiences, especially as it pertains to blogging.
