A Heavy Heart

Over the last few years, I've been open with you about topics that aren't always easy to talk about. Mental health, anxiety, depression, going off of medications like Prozac and birth control pills, leaving my job, not knowing what the hell I want out of my life, fears, strained relationships with family. All uncomfortable things to write about, but important to share them with you anyway. It doesn't matter if I have one reader or one-hundred...I've chosen to discuss topics that go beyond beauty and fashion. Ultimately I consider you my friends, and these are the things I would say to you in private conversation if we were sitting down to have a cup of coffee or lunch. And just as awkward and scary as it is for me to have these conversations in person, they are equally as such online. But that doesn't mean I should shy away from them, it's quite the opposite. Uncomfortable conversation is how we listen, learn, and grow.

The listening part is why I studied Psychology, and why I (almost) wanted to become a therapist. I have felt diminished and small for much of my life, and I think it's the reason why I'm so angry right now. People just talk over one another instead of really listening. It's the times in my life where I have felt unseen or silenced by someone else that I have sunk into depression. Everyone deserves to be seen and heard.

Photo c/o @intheloopTemecula and @iam.mamamermaid from Sunday night vigil at city hall

I have been devastated and disgusted by the murder of George Floyd by a police officer in Minneapolis. The fact that it happens so often is unimaginable. People who are supposed to serve and protect and help. I don't know what it's like. My mother has experienced racism first-hand, and I grew up in an all-white suburban neighborhood hearing kids say things like she should "go back to Mexico." I've been called names I won't repeat, I've had to defend my mom in ways that I know some of the friends I grew up with didn't understand. I still hear slurs in regards to Mexicans and immigrants, but it doesn't compare in the slightest to what black people experience on a daily basis. A daily basis! I want to be part of the solution, and I want others to do the same. I'm not going to pretend I have answers because I don't. All I know is that I'm scared for the future in a way that I wasn't just a few years ago. Maybe I'm paying attention now. Maybe it's my age, and the fact that I'm not as naive as I used to be about all this. My one piece of advice is to call out racism when you see or hear it - do not be silent. Get involved, speak to friends and family, donate to organizations, support brands that honor inclusivity and promote diversity, support black businesses, read as much as you can and educate yourself so that you're armed with truth and facts. This isn't political, this is about human decency, compassion, and love. Senseless murders and acts of violence must be scrutinized and must end.

Resources: George Floyd Fundraiser

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The Monthly Edit // May 2020 & The Next Phase

"The only way out is through"

We are almost in June, and while the weather heats up and the start of Summer begins to take shape, many counties in California are also beginning to reopen. Our lockdown became official on March 19th, but the last time I went out on a normal day was on March 11th. That date will always stick out in my head. I wasn't in full panic mode yet, but I knew something unprecedented was about to happen. 

Three months have gone by for me both at rapid speed and at a painful crawl. I've had days filled with crippling fear and sadness, and I've had days of pure happiness and personal growth. Like everything in life, you can't have one without the other. As restaurants, stores, and even salons start to reopen in many parts of the state, I feel somewhat relieved. My friends can regain some financial control again, people can get services that they desperately missed. I'm also still really nervous about the virus. I'm not sure why it's become political, but I have no desire to participate in any of that because there's still so much that's unknown.  I mean, whatever happened to nuance? You can hold different thoughts and emotions at once - excitement that businesses are reopening, but anxiety of venturing out yourself. It seems that people will continue to get sick no matter what we do, and that knowledge is maddening. With that being said, I'm still going to be extremely cautious in my measures and if I feel uneasy, I'll listen to that voice in my head.  Everyone is still encouraged to socially distance and wear masks whenever possible, and I'm comfortable doing both for as long as needed. 

Ultimately I know that every state (and country for that matter) is different though. Just a few short weeks ago I thought California would be on lockdown all of Summer, and just like that in the blink of an eye, I can now go get my hair cut. So while I have no idea what the Summer will hold, my hope is that this next phase will be a little less scary than the last. But really, who knows? 

Has your area begun to reopen? I'd love to read any thoughts you may have on this, both good and bad. 

In the meantime, May has been quite the beautiful month. 

Nate and I packed a nice lunch and took Nettie to the park. It was also the first park we took her to as a puppy. There was no one around, which actually isn't unusual for the area. She got the chance to run around and we chased each other through the sprinklers. 

I ordered my first Homesick candle in the Hawaii scent and have been burning it every night since. It's less tropical than I expected, but the fragrance really fills the room and definitely reminds me of my favorite place. I really miss my godfather...I've mentioned it before but he lives on the island of Maui in Kihei. He's like a father to me and I can't wait to see him in person again. 

I'm still following my nutrition plan, and have even lost a few pounds in the process. Last weekend, I made a quick and easy breakfast wrap with spinach, grape tomatoes, eggs, and feta. I also added some pesto to the wrap itself. 

We watched Waco on Netflix. I was pretty young when that terrible situation played out on national television and I'm happy about that. It's hard to watch, but also one that's impossible not to. 

I started reading a book called Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb. I'm halfway through and not only is it written in such a funny, conversational way, it's also adding a lot to my own therapy sessions. 

How was your month? Is there anything you're looking forward to in June? 

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Minimal Everyday Makeup for Summer

I always pare down my makeup routine during the hot Summer months, and now with staying at home, I'm using even less products on a daily basis. It's a funny thing really - I've played with makeup ever since I can remember, have even collected it throughout the years. But when it comes down to it, I prefer a very minimal, effortless look. Especially as I get older, I find that wearing less makes me look and feel younger instead of layering or covering my skin with a bunch of different products. Sheer, buildable powders and creams are what I look for when buying anything new, and now with Summer right around the corner, it's the perfect time to embrace our natural beauty.

Before we start applying any makeup, don't forget the SPF: I go for a lotion that's oil-free and absorbs quickly, but it depends on your specific skin type. I also frequently use sunscreen as my regular body lotion and slather it on from head to toe pretty generously. Whatever brand you like, just make sure you use something to protect your skin.

Cheeks and Brows: Every women's magazine I've read recommends switching to cream blush during Summer, but it wasn't until I found cloud paint from Glossier that I happily bought into the idea. I use my finger to dot a small amount and blend out. It adds just the right amount of color, looks incredibly natural, and lasts all day. You can also top it with powder for even more color and lasting power, but I prefer not to. As for brows, I like a tinted gel that fills in sparse areas and keeps them in place. This doesn't create a defined brow, but it does help brows look more polished.

Eye Cream: I'm a big fan of eye cream in the morning, as it instantly adds moisture and therefore makes eyes look refreshed and awake. If you wear concealer, it also goes on more evenly if you apply an eye cream first.

Glossy Lips: Sheer, glossy lips are quintessential Summer aren't they? Easy to reapply, flattering on everyone, and just feels so good on.

Curl Lashes and Add Mascara: I've been skipping these steps on some days, but a little curl and a light coat of your favorite (waterproof) mascara is a must for many people.

Finish With Fragrance: This may sound ridiculous, but spraying perfume is my favorite part of my daily routine. Brushing my teeth, washing my face, applying makeup...the grand finale is being instantly uplifted by this beach-inspired fragrance.

With the long Memorial Day weekend coming up, maybe you can try a more minimal routine and take that extra time you'll save to enjoy some sun! I'll be back next week.

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Recent Spring Outfits I'm Wearing on Repeat

I'm making an effort to dress in real clothes (some days), and documenting what I put together is actually a huge mood boost. These aren't exactly groundbreaking outfits, and taking snapshots of them in my loft isn't how I'd like to share them with you, but for now it'll have to do. Spring is moving along quickly, and the weather has been so perfect that I've spent every afternoon outside in my backyard soaking up as much as I can. In-between reading this book and making some healthy lunches, I'm daydreaming about when I can truly enjoy getting dressed again. Normally during Spring, I'm planning outfits for outdoor festivals, concerts, and trips. Now we are in a perpetual state of...who knows? The upside is that I'm getting my money's worth on all of my clothes, and I'm getting more comfortable with repeating outfits on a weekly basis! Here are some recent favorites.

This kimono can be worn as a dress, but lately I've been wearing it open and layered over another (bodycon) dress.

I bought this floral swimsuit coverup in late February, fully expecting to wear it in Palm Springs during our yearly getaway. During a heat wave a couple weeks ago, I wore it to sit on my patio.

Jeans and a tee, always my go-to in Spring & Summer. I love the desert print on this one. 

Or if it's too warm out, a loose tee and 4 year old denim distressed shorts will work! 

An olive utility jacket is a Spring staple. I just love the look during cooler days. 

I hope everyone is doing well and taking care! I'll be back on Wednesday 💋

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