The Monthly Edit // Aug. 2020

"Nothing is more desirable than to be released from an affliction, but nothing is more frightening than to be divested from a crutch." 

James Baldwin

I think you can tell simply by virtue of posting here that the month of August was much better for me than July. I barely blogged last month and I didn't even do a recap because my heart just wasn't in it. Besides, there wasn't much to recap anyway. By the time August rolled around, I'd had enough. I decided to go back on Prozac for my anxiety, and am beginning to feel much better. I was reluctant to take it again (and I still am) but because my mood has improved and my fears have subsided a bit, I know that I am making the right decision. As my therapist reassured me, "if there's ever a time for anxious minds to get a little help from medication, it is now." There's only so much you can do when you feel like you've hit the bottom. Talk therapy, practicing mindfulness and yoga, writing your thoughts and feelings in a journal, exercising - those are all great tools, and I do most of them every day. But another powerful tool is actual medication, and there is never any shame in utilizing it when necessary. I will always advocate for it. 

Of course, this wasn't the plan for 2020. I spent three years being proud of the work I'd done on myself without the assistance of Prozac and Klonopin. But neither was...any of this. Coming to terms with reality as opposed to denying it has been a huge area of growth for me this year. Dealing with situations as they are, and not as I wish for them to be has done wonders for my mental health. I'll explain in more detail just what I mean in a future post, but until then, I'll reiterate that if you're really struggling and nothing seems to be helping, please talk to a professional. 

We experienced quite a triple digit heat wave this month, so Nate and I took advantage of cooler temps at the beach! 

Oceanside, Ca

We also continued our Summer of "pool time" in his parent's relaxing backyard. Nettie was elated by this weekend ritual.

I'm still eating as healthy as I can, and salmon is probably my favorite meal to cook. I bought cedar plank salmon filets at Sprouts and grilled them for about 10-15 minutes. Easy and fresh. 

I finally felt comfortable enough last weekend to dine outside. In California, most indoor areas are closed including bars and restaurants. But places can operate outdoors, so we decided to eat at the winery we belong to. The food tasted extra delicious! I still inhaled it pretty quickly, but I savored every bite. 

What Else I Loved in August: 

My friend Gina shared this podcast episode with me, and I want all of you to listen to it! It features Lori Gottlieb, the author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone. I'm sure you can tell because I won't shut up about it, but I'm obsessed with her book.

I began watching a series called Bloodline on Netflix and I'm loving it so far. It's about this family that looks perfect on the surface, but there are some pretty dark secrets hidden underneath. It's been around for a few years but Nate stumbled upon it just a few weeks ago. Have you watched it?


I have a shopping post coming up next week, along with a beauty product review shortly after. I'll also talk more in depth about mental health, so I hope any or all of those topics sound interesting to you. I'd love to hear from you guys. Hope you're doing well. How was your month? 

Continue the post

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

I've been fascinated with psychotherapy since childhood, when I began seeing my first therapist for anxiety. I went off and on until things got better, but after college I experienced what my current therapist called a "quarter life crisis" and I've been seeing her ever since. The pandemic has caused me to reexamine everything in my life - my relationships, my health, my habits, my coping mechanisms, everything. I've been doing a lot more reading as well, mostly to distract myself from all the chaos of this year. I remember the title of Lori Gottlieb's book, "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed." It caught my attention last year, but it wasn't until I saw a blogger rave about it during the height of my daily pandemic panic attacks that I bought a copy. This book came into my life at the exact moment I needed it. It sounds so cliche, but I laughed and cried more with this book than I ever have before. I even read certain chapters to Nate, and we would discuss why it resonated so much with me.

Link here

Brief Synopsis:
Half-memoir, half sort of self-help, the book delves into not only what it's like to be a patient in therapy, it also examines what it's like for the clinician. What are therapists like in their own lives? Are they perfectly balanced, well adjusted people? Or are they just doing the best they can everyday, like most of us? Lori Gottlieb is a happy, single mother of a young son living in Los Angeles. She practices therapy, and has a wonderful boyfriend that she wants to marry. Everything is great, until seemingly out of the blue one night, her boyfriend tells her that he can't live with another kid under his roof and he breaks Gottlieb's heart. This event takes her into a tailspin, and that's when she sees a therapist with her own "presenting problem," or the thing that causes someone to seek therapy.

Must-Read:
What I love about the book is that it opens the window and lets the reader peek into other people's lives. There's something deeply personal, almost voyueristic about it. The relationship between a patient or client and their therapist is often profound, but because it's also privileged, you rarely get to hear what goes on behind closed doors. There's a lot of references to psychological theories, terms in the DSM that brought me back to some of my courses in college. Erik Erikson, Maslow's hierarchy of needs, Carl Jung. I love the way it all comes together, bouncing around between different characters' therapy sessions, and then turning the tables on Gottlieb's own sessions where she becomes the patient. It humanizes therapy in a way I've not read before. Gottlieb injects humor into her writing, while also remaining painfully honest. The handful of patients that she documents are interesting, but the one that really affected me the most was the woman in her mid-thirties that was dying from cancer. I could barely get through her story without blubbering like a crazy person on the couch, wiping tears from my face after every sentence. I've been thinking about mortality all Spring and Summer, how death is inevitable but it's not something people really talk about in earnest. It's explored in a really meaningful way in this book, the theme of one's mortality woven into many of the characters and chapters.

While I read the book, I was also speaking to my own therapist weekly and it definitely alleviated some of my worries. I really hope you'll pick this book up! It's a fast, enjoyable read that's also thought-provoking and incredibly funny. Everyone should read it.

Have you read it?

Continue the post

Nordstrom Anniversary Sale 2020

I've shopped the Nordstrom anniversary sale every single year since college, but things have definitely changed since then! I didn't think I'd partake at all this go-around, but I'll admit that after previewing the sale, a few things did catch my interest. I always debate posting about it too, because I know all the sale talk can get tired during normal times. Throw in all of the craziness and uncertainty of this year, and it seems even more over the top to spend time talking about a sale. But after some discussion with a couple of my girlfriends, I realized that most of us could use a fun shopping trip! One of my friends isn't even a shopper but she's looking forward to this sale after a months' long spending freeze. I can't personally get to a local Nordstrom (the one I loved has sadly closed) but I can shop vicariously through others and I do plan to buy a couple things online.

My biggest tips:

Stick to a budget! I know it's hard when so many people are sharing their giant hauls on Instagram, but it's not worth it to spend more than you can afford.

 Go for more luxury items that aren't typically part of a sale. I used to buy a few essentials as part of my Fall wardrobe, and I'm still tempted to, but I don't go as crazy stocking up because so many retailers do similar items at already discounted prices. Honestly, the quality of some Nordstrom house brands are comparable to retailers like Target - which is fine! But they aren't worth obsessing over. If you have your eye on a leather jacket or a cashmere sweater, I'd go for that as opposed to yet another basic cardigan or pair of jeans that you can buy anytime, anywhere.

I also recommend looking at the beauty exclusives because that's where you'll find the best deals.

I own and love all of these beauty products! The only exception is the T3 hair brush set, which I'm planning on buying because I need a new paddle brush and wet brush anyway. If you treat yourself to one thing, I think a hair tool is absolutely worth it.

If you have any specific questions on any of these, let me know! I use them all on a daily/weekly basis.

Pillow Talk by Charlotte Tilbury is my go-to lip color. I wear it every day, especially the gloss included in the sale this year.

As for clothing, there are a lot of "blogger" items that get talked about often, but I also think they're worth the hype. Last year I bought a Barefoot Dreams cardigan and I wore it practically every day in Winter around the house. It was perfect for the height of quarantine, and since I have no Godly idea when California is going to open up again, I may do the same again this Winter. I got mine in my true size.

The Spanx leggings are also hyped up, but agree that they are great. I have had mine for two years and they fit even better now after losing some weight. I would buy them again but in petite. Size up one in them.

My favorite anniversary sale purchase ever is this gorgeous suede moto jacket. You guys have seen it so many times! It's my standard "going out" look in the Winter, especially around the holidays. Obviously it doesn't get very cold here, so I treat this jacket the way most of you treat a coat. They have this jacket every year in the sale in different colors. I really like the taupe version for this year. Go up one size in it.

I'll share what I end up buying soon, but I hope those of you shopping enjoy yourselves. I know you deserve it.

Continue the post

Effective Cystic Acne Treatment

In my well-documented struggle with hormonal cystic acne, I think I've finally found two products that are actually effective in treating these embarrassing, painful bumps!

For a brief summary, I was on birth control pills during the entirety of my twenties, so my skin was mostly clear. I would get the occasional breakout here and there, but nothing major. However, once I went off of birth control a couple years ago, my hormones went crazy. I expected as much, but I had no idea how often I'd be dealing with cystic bumps on my chin. Add on extra stress from the pandemic, and this past Spring caused my skin to break out like I've never experienced before. I was diligent about my skincare routine, I changed my eating habits, I drank a lot more water, and I definitely kept my hands off my face. I also tried switching to oil-free products, but I was still getting one or two cystic bumps every month, usually a week before my menstrual cycle. I almost made a dermatology appointment in May, but I decided to try one last product first. If I didn't see any improvement, I'd go ahead with the dermatologist.

In my incessant research, I came across Renee Rouleau's blog and was happy to see that she has products that specialize in treating cystic chin acne. There are so many acne products on the market, but they're mostly for "normal" breakouts like blackheads and whiteheads. Cystic pimples are deep in the skin, and are much harder to treat. You really have to baby them, otherwise the risk of further damaging your skin and causing massive scarring can occur.

I was only going to buy the Anti-Bump Solution, meant as a spot treatment as soon as you start feeling the cyst coming on, but I noticed that she actually makes a chin breakout treatment kit. Hello! These two products feel like they were made for me. Used together, they are a powerful duo.

The Rapid Response Detox Masque is formulated with key ingredients like tea tree oil (which is a natural microbial that deep cleans and eliminates bacteria within minutes). It also contains lactic acid and salicylic acid. I use this masque once per week and leave it on for about 15 minutes. It feels nice and cooling.

About a week and a half before my menstrual cycle, I begin using the Anti-Bump Solution (which is clear) all over my chin and jawline before bed every night. What I find especially beneficial is that this serum doesn't dry my skin out whatsoever like some topical treatments do. If I feel any slight pain (a sign that a bump is forming), I use the solution right on that specific area, morning and night. I actually felt one the other night, and by the next morning, it was completely gone!

You can also use these products on other parts of the face, but my acne is concentrated on my chin. Sometimes I'll get a pimple in between my eyebrows, but that doesn't occur very often.

I'm not claiming my skin is perfect now, but since using this kit I haven't had a single massive breakout and these products are the only things I've changed in my routine. I'm going to continue to monitor everything. The safest bet if you do have any skin issues is to go see a dermatologist, and I'm keeping that in mind if the problem returns or worsens. But if you've tried other acne treatments and nothing has worked yet, try this!

This post is in no way sponsored...just my honest thoughts. Let me know if you have any questions and I hope you enjoyed my review.

Continue the post

A Glimpse of Normal Summer

The last few weeks have been really difficult, and that's why I haven't posted. I'm sure the last thing you want to read is any more bad news, so I figured I could instead use the time to collect myself, and forge ahead when I could blog about something fun for a change! These photos were taken over a month ago, after things started opening back up in California. It was my first time dressing up since March, and it felt absolutely amazing to put on a new little Summer dress, carry my favorite Summer bag, and enjoy an evening walking through a winery again. It was a glimpse of normal, though it was eerily quiet as Nate and I took photos along the path. Not a single soul was around, no sounds of wine glasses clinking in the background. Still, we made the most of it and took in the blooming scenery. We both laughed at our awkwardness doing something we'd done a hundred times. He forgot how to work the camera, I forgot how to pose (which let's face it, has never stopped me before). It almost felt like a first date.

Wearing a sold out MinkPink dress, Jeffrey Campbell sandals, Clare V. bag

Shortly after, California reimposed shutdowns, and that's where we stand today. Our state has been hit fairly hard, and I don't know where we will go from here. I'm praying for the best possible outcome, but I find myself worrying most days. I really miss everything about life before Covid. I apologize for my absence and for the haphazard way I've been running this blog. It's basically the way life is at the moment. Thankfully, I know you understand.

Continue the post

The Monthly Edit // June ‘20

"Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?"

Henry David Thoreau

It's difficult to sum up the month of June 2020. It was challenging, heartbreaking, emotional, optimistic, a time for reflection, love, growth. I feel like everyone is learning a lot right now, myself included. I've read more in the past few weeks than I read all of last year. I struggled a lot with anxiety, but I had more tools in my arsenal to help me manage. 

I keep doing something I shouldn't do though, and that's replaying the past. This time last Summer I was on an epic road trip, making my way through Nevada, Arizona, Utah, Idaho, and Wyoming. I was virtually carefree, mimicking the winding open roads, hills, and rivers we chased down in our car. Last Summer wasn't that long ago but it feels like it happened in a dream. I don't know...I really don't think I'm handling things well. Most people are being cautious in regards to the pandemic, but they are still managing to live their lives as best they can. Some days I feel like I just put mine on pause indefinitely. When will I be able to press play again? 

I'm just being honest. That's where I'm at right now. But don't worry, I still have my monthly recap for you :)

Home: 

I finished burning my first Homesick candle and decided to turn the container into a vase. These beautiful nude-pink carnations are sitting on the kitchen table. They may not be considered chic flowers (I know plenty of people steer clear of them) but I love carnations. They seem to last a long time too. 

To repurpose any candle: 

1. Burn the candle down to the very bottom, and then wait a couple minutes to scoop out the warm wax. You can also throw some hot water into it to soften the wax. I just used a large spoon and the wax/leftover wick came right out.

2. Using a large bowl with soap and warm water, wash the container out using a scrub brush. I let mine sit in the bowl for a few minutes as well. 

3. Dry the inside and outside with a towel and voila, a new flower vase, makeup brush holder, etc. is ready to be used. 

Weekends: 

Getting outside is one of the only things I'm comfortable doing right now. My in-laws have a beautiful backyard with a pool that's been our go-to spot on the weekends. We always take Nettie. She's a great swimmer but is afraid to get in, so we make sure to strap a life vest on her and do our best to encourage her into the water with treats. 

Hair: 

I got my hair cut on June 12th, where my stylist took two inches off of dead, dry ends. It felt glorious! I'm going back in August for a color refresh. Although I love the warmth of my current balayage, I'm still planning on going a bit darker again. I want my hair to be even more low maintenance in the Fall. 

Books: 

I finished reading Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb. I don't do book reviews (you should check out my friend Rachelle's blog and Gina's blog for those) but I think I'm going to attempt a post about this one because there is just so much to discuss! Especially as it relates to mental health and therapy. 

I also ordered Heart Talk by Cleo Wade, and want to get her other book called Where to Begin. My goodness she has a way with words. 

Social: 

I started following this account on Instagram and it has done wonders for my feed. 

I hope everyone has a wonderful week. Reminder that you are loved, you are doing great, keep going. 

Continue the post